How to navigate reader feedback
Help your readers understand what type of feedback you're looking for.
Written by Leslie Cox
Reader feedback is tricky – and can feel terrifying to newer writers. But getting feedback on your work is a critical part of any writer’s journey. When and whom you seek feedback from, along with how you navigate asking for and receiving that feedback, should be handled with grace and care.
With my own memoir-in-progress, I went through stages of disbelief, disappointment, and even anger. Then I took a deep breath and tried to make sense of the criticism. With time, I learned to find value in feedback that in-the-moment felt somewhat sharp. Read on for more about my journey, and some tips to help you navigate the process.
Are You Ready for Feedback?
Building confidence as a writer may take time. Start small. Before diving in to finish a full-length novel or memoir, join a writing group or attend a few workshops, either online or in person. Write short stories, poems, or personal essays to learn from others how to improve on those pieces. Get comfortable with receiving feedback. Whether or not you are new to writing, start by writing for yourself. Read your piece aloud and listen for flow. Does it sound natural or forced? How is the pacing? I tend to rush through to the point I want to make and have to remind myself to slow down to capture details in scenes. Once you feel good about what you’ve created, share it with others! You might be surprised at what you will learn and also the appreciation shown toward your creativity and skill.
Who Should You Ask for Feedback?
Requesting feedback can take us out of our comfort zones, especially when sharing with strangers. But the truth is, those strangers are the ones who may one day pick up your book at their local bookstore or library (if publication is your end goal) and will share it with friends. There are pros and cons to asking the various groups below for feedback, read on!
Family members – Family is often a readily available, no-cost feedback source. Family is also often biased, as they likely really want to encourage you, so may be hesitant to give you actionable feedback. They also may not really know how to give you feedback other than ‘I liked it,’ or ‘I didn’t like it.’ My experience asking family members for feedback has not gone well. They either didn’t read my work at all, or praised it (which felt great), yet I knew there were improvements to be made. If you’re dipping your toe in the feedback waters, this can be a safe yet biased source.
Friends - Friends are another readily available, no-cost feedback source for writers. Asking a friend for feedback can be awkward unless you know that person will be honest with you in a constructive way. Some friends can be biased in terms of wanting to give you only positive feedback. Choose wisely, and keep your writing goals in mind. I limited feedback on my memoir to two friends who I knew would read it objectively and provide helpful suggestions.
External critique groups - A wealth of online and in-person public and private critique/feedback groups exist across Arizona. Free, genre-specific events are offered by Red Sands Writing Circle, while other groups like Phoenix Writers Club offer critique events for their membership. Getting feedback from strangers may feel daunting, but it can also be freeing and super helpful. People in these groups may know little about you, so you will get a variety of honest reactions to what you’ve written.
Professional Support - The best investment I have made is through workshops or writing courses and asking the instructor for feedback. Some offer complete edits of your manuscript (developmental and/or line editing). This can be costly, but well worth it if you plan to submit to an agent or self-publish.
It can be a hard habit to get into, because many of us have become so accustomed to needing things to be perfect from the start. Writing without editing gets your creative juices flowing and lets your subconscious take over. Down there, sometimes hidden under a lot of layers, ideas live.
Feedback Experiences that Helped Me Grow
With my own memoir-in-progress, I’ve had a few interesting experiences navigating feedback.
#1 Feedback on If I Should Be a Writer
In 2019, I took a leap into the unknown after leaving my career to pursue writing. I attended the Kauai Writers Conference to explore my potential as a writer and learn craft from the pros. I paid an extra $100 for fifteen minutes of facetime with a hybrid publisher, and according to the website’s instructions (I’m a rule-follower), I sent her the first 20,000 words of my memoir.
“Why did you send me this?” she asked, tilting her head and squinting, cynical, as if wondering how I had the nerve to submit such an atrocity. In the first two minutes, my confidence was shattered. “I wanted to see if there was any possibility I could be a writer, or if I’m wasting my time,” I explained.
Her eyes softened. “When writing memoir, we rely on our memories, and sometimes it’s hard to recall details, especially if the events happened long ago. Look at photos, listen to music from that time in your life, and visit the places where your story takes place.” This advice was well worth the $100.
I returned to my hotel room and signed up for her memoir writing course. She later approached me to say she looked forward to reading more of my work. What I learned from this experience was that first impressions can be confusing and uncomfortable. Communication is key. Once she understood I was only seeking guidance, and not publication, she was able to open the door to my first draft.
#2 Feedback from an Industry Source
I started the course a couple months later and was assigned a writing coach—a clinical psychologist. She challenged me about a chapter on my childhood. She said the writing was good, but the content was too idealistic.
“Is all of this true?” she asked. “If everything is positive, the reader may have a hard time believing it. If you’re focusing on good things for a reason—comfort, or to remind yourself in dark times that things were better—that context offers a lens through which to view near perfection, knowing it is simply a lens from a given moment.”
I gasped. How dare she analyze my childhood. In my mind, it was nearly perfect. Her comments felt like an attack on my soul.
I stewed on this for a couple of weeks until I dared ask myself some important questions.
Why did my sense of self diminish over time like slow-moving grains of sand spilling out of a vessel?
Did choices I made as an adult result from distorted expectations of how life is supposed to be?
This writing coach opened my mind to a self-discovery that changed the trajectory of my story, and my life. Again, after reacting hastily to honest feedback, in the end, those words made a meaningful difference.
#3 Feedback from a Busy Workshop Professor
In another workshop, the instructor asked us to submit a book pitch for our work in progress. I carefully followed instructions and was pleased with my draft, sharing it with workshop attendees.
“Scrap the whole thing,” the instructor commented. “And your bio doesn’t matter. Nobody will care. Next reader?”
This was like a punch to the gut. I’m not exaggerating when I say I curled up into a little ball on my couch for the rest of the day, sobbing. I felt so empty. But the next day, I pulled myself together and continued the work. Two years later, I uncovered this material and now have the verbiage I’ve needed for a book query! I’ll never forget how I felt the day of that critique, but I have since gained confidence in myself to know what feedback I will accept and what isn’t useful.
#4 Feedback from a Trusted Friend
Searching my brain for stories to share with you, I reviewed an early draft of my memoir recently returned from a trusted friend. A year ago, she verbally gave me “big-picture” feedback, but the detail was missing.
I opened the binder of printed pages this morning to find a wealth of information handwritten in the margins! She had provided questions requiring clarification, places where I could expand on a scene, and comments about the relevance of my story. The first thing I did was text my friend to thank her. Now my work is cut out for me.
Key Takeaways on Navigating Feedback
As I look back on the above four experiences—and think about times I have given others feedback—I realize how much I’ve grown. Feedback is a process, and it can be a terrifying one to step into as a newer writer. The influence of peers can have a profound effect on a writer’s work and professional path. Here are some tips to help you ask for and receive feedback with kindness and respect in a way that can move the work forward.
Advice When Asking for feedback:
Be sure you’re asking the right person for the right kind of feedback
Give the reader an idea of what you want feedback on
The narrower your focus, the better. Consider asking the reader 2 or 3 questions, like:
Do you find the story engaging?
Are there any spots you find confusing?
How is the pacing? Too fast? Too slow? Just right?
Which characters are most memorable to you?
Ask the person giving feedback if they would like to talk through their notes
Things can get lost in translation, and we may read a harsh ‘tone’ where it isn’t
Be receptive to the feedback – remember, you asked for their thoughts
If you spend the entire time arguing with the feedback provider on why their feedback is ‘wrong,’ you may want to revisit if you’re at feedback stage
Don’t base your self-worth on the feedback.
Critiques are about your work, not your value as a person.
If the feedback is delivered in a way that seems a critique of your value as a person, immediately set it aside. You don’t need that type of feedback.
Advice When Giving feedback:
Be sure you have the time and energy to invest in giving feedback
It’s ok to say no if you don’t feel you can be helpful
Be clear about what the writer wants from the review, e.g., plot, pacing, dialogue
Keep your feedback focused on the writing, not the writer
About the writer: Are you trying to confuse the reader by saying it like this?
About the writing: This paragraph reads confusing with regard to timing.
Acknowledge what’s working well and why
Avoid “you should/shouldn’t.” Try “I recommend” and “You might consider.”
Be wary of attempting to change the author’s writing style
Avoid line editing and rewriting sentences. Instead, explain why a sentence, section, or chapter wasn’t working for you.
Be honest and specific about what’s not working, without ripping it apart.
Sandwiching the negative with the positive may soften the blow.
Feedback: Best Served with Kindness and Respect
Remember, how you edit your work in response to feedback is 100% up to you. You don’t have to make changes just because someone suggested them. They make suggestions, you make choices.
ABOUT LESLIE COX
Leslie Cox writes personal essay and memoir, having published in: “Beyond Boundaries: Tales of Transcendence” from Phoenix Oasis Press; Pure Slush Anthology: “Love, Lifespan;” The Silent World in Her Vase; Ariel Publishing; Women on Writing; Humans of the World; Lady Unemployed; and HCPro (trade articles and guidebook for health care professionals).